Romantic relationships can be important teachers in our lives, regardless how they end. Lovers often come with critical information that we need at specific points along our journey. Once the relationship ends, the messenger leaves and we’re left in our aloneness to piece together what lesson is scattered in the pain.
When we’re hurting we tend to hold onto people because they opened something within us. They introduced us to parts of ourselves that we didn’t know existed. In the confusion, we think it’s their role to fill what they opened. “I need you!” we plead. How will you get through without them?
Without them, you grow. Their role was to open space within you, and yours is to fill it with more of yourself. Don’t confuse pain with negativity. Pain is often the doorway to positive experiences. It breaks you open and provides an opportunity to grow more fully into who you are — to become a larger version of yourself.
People often appear in our lives to point the way to the lesson, not to be the teacher themselves. They’re the messenger, not the message. The pain of their absence is an arrow pointing toward important growth. But you can’t see where the arrow is pointing until you stop looking at the messenger. It takes courage to follow the direction the messenger points, even when it’s the opposite way of where they are.